I hate the application I'm trying to write now. I'm applying for a postdoctoral fellowship. This fellowship has a theme. This theme has zip-a-dee-doo-dah fuck-all bobkes mit beblakh to do with my work. But, hypothetically, my work could be seen through the lens of this theme, if one wished to twist oneself into a pretzel to accomplish that. And this fellowship, if granted to me, would be another year that I stave off the shame of taking a job at Starbucks as a PhD barista trainee. So today, I made myself a strong cup of coffee (see? back-up skills!) and began the unpleasant work of pretzelifying myself. Because a man's got to eat, damn it.