I'm starting to think that the universe really wants me to stop pitying myself so much. My colleague who survived the Port-au-Prince earthquake has returned to DOU-town, and she gave a lecture last evening to help raise awareness and funds for everybody in Haiti trying to put their lives back together. I, however, have already made a donation, and I was in no mood, frankly, to hear about other people who had it worse than I. I wanted to wallow.
So I stayed home, felt crappy, and after a while, I called my dad to talk over some short-term health insurance strategies and get some moral support. Before I could even start bitching to him, he told me that a family member has just been diagnosed with a resurgence of cancer. The woman barely survived her last round, and it took a serious and lasting toll on her. And now this? Fuck. It's horrible for her and her whole family to have to go through this all over again. And that, my friends, kind of took the wind out of the sails of my Good Ship Self-Pity. It kinda sucks to worry about how to cover my ass for insurance, but it's a hell of a lot better than having insurance but also having a persistent life-threatening betrayal of the body.
So, when I woke up today, impoverished but reasonably healthy (knock on wood), I swallowed a good bit of pride -- I have my class-based resistances, I admit it -- and starting applying for jobs that might help me keep my health insurance. Want some whipped cream on that, sir?
Oh, and speaking of health conditions, the stress can definitely turn physical if one doesn't go all Zen after a while. I went to the dentist on Thursday, and he noted some slight inflammation of my lower gums, even though they're not much in the way of anything. He asked me to move my jaw this way and that, and then guessed that I'm grinding my teeth -- I had already explained to him that I'm trying to finish a dissertation -- out of stress, and that the motion is bothering my gums somewhat. Later that day, I suddenly became aware of doing exactly that. Hm.
1 year ago