Wednesday, September 11, 2013

My research statement

Dr. Koshary's Research Statement

My current research project takes several bodies of study and magically twists them into beautiful delicate rainbows of cutting-edge theory on which unicorns gambol and shit publication-ready articles for top-flight journals. Okay, seriously, that's so not true. I have no fucking idea what my research is now. Straight up. Lest you think I'm being modest, let me walk you through it.

I just finished writing a book. Do you hear that? I just wrote a motherfucking academic monograph. It's in copy-editing at Reputable Academic Press at this moment. I sent in the revised manuscript to RAP mere weeks ago. The only journal article I have moving through the system right now is based off part of that same book. This book has consumed my scholarly attention for the last several years. GIVE ME A GODDAMNED BREATHER. 

Oh sure, I've got some vague ideas here and there for my Next Book. They're only slightly better fleshed-out than my vague ideas about how I'd most like to die, or what I'd say if I somehow won an Academy Award. If you ask me to explain the theoretical basis for my Next Book, I will fucking hurt you.

The real pain in the ass for me is that all of my most interesting ideas operate on the assumption that I can/will go back to Research Country for some more extended field research. That's all well and good when things are stable in RC, but stable is right out the window nowadays. For the first time ever, I am seriously worried that the paper-pushers in RC will not let me back in. Let's just say that they're a little paranoid right now, and the scuttlebutt I hear is that even pretty innocuous research projects now draw closer scrutiny and more skepticism from the kind of very scary people that I hope never to encounter. This is not to say that I'm some covert saboteur; the point is that I wouldn't be all that surprised to see RC essentially forbid all foreign researchers from entering the country, even for ostensible tourism vacations. I may not be allowed to do anything that interests me professionally.

So yeah, I can tell you this or that idea, but there's no more substance to most of it than water-cooler chitchat. I also happen to think that this description also fits a fair number of the high theory pieces that people jack off to nowadays, but of course, if you're really so interested in what those insufferable fucking douchebags at Theoryfart University babble about, I really doubt I'd have any chance of landing a job at your institution anyway.

Just to cover all my bases, though: unique and innovative.


  1. Where can I get me one-a them unicorns?

    More seriously: any chance of a methodology essay or applying/extending Research Country stuff to different country or immigrant Research Country people in their new country?

    1. Regarding the second question, yes, that's definitely a way I could go, but I haven't worked out any clear ideas to investigate that way. It might take significant turnaround time to come up with something worth the time and effort, let alone something fundable.

      Regarding the first question, it's actually really hard to find a dealer in live unicorns. The best I've been able to do so far is this:

  2. I was thinking of this idea when you posted your teaching statement and how you didn't really do anything unique and innovative: how about studying the web itself and the proliferation/curation of video related to your topic? I know you like teh Youtube. (eleventy)

    I actually taught an article about cyberactivism and web 2.0 in relation to all those types of events in my comp class last year. No clue how well they actually understood the article (I wanted a scholarly article to compare to a popular news article for format, and this topic sounded interesting at the time, instead of rapidly disintegrating down into scary and depressing shit) but other people are thinking about how real and virtual space interact in that conflict, so why don't you?

    I feel like I should close off with unique and innovative, like some sort of greeting they'd do on Star Trek, but instead I will say: Klaatu barada nikto!