Sunday, July 10, 2011

My dark place

I'm staying in a pretty nice house here in Hometown, courtesy of family.  I cannot enjoy it much, though, because my family comes with such awful, depressing drama that I can take little pleasure in the house and its comforts.  I would be – will be! – much happier when I drive out of Hometown and have to stay in who-knows-what random circumstances until I find myself a dwelling place in my new location.  Can't come soon enough. 

The situation makes me think of Peter O'Toole in Lawrence of Arabia, in the first scene where he's painting maps.  Never thought I'd relate to anything that T.E. Lawrence said.

T.E. Lawrence: Michael George Hartley, this is a nasty, dark little room.
Hartley: That's right.
T.E. Lawrence: We are not happy in it.
Hartley: It's better than a nasty, dark little trench.
T.E. Lawrence: Then you're an ignoble fellow.
Hartley: That's right.

I may not be noble, but I know that I am not happy in it.


  1. My God -- it's like we're living parallel lives. Two days into living with my mom, I was panicking: "Will I be able to endure this until the first week of August???" It's not all her fault. Part of it is that my dad died in this house. Part of it is that my mom is a control freak who undermines me around my kids. Part of it is that this house isn't really big enough for five people to live in. There are a lot of other things -- plenty of bad memories and ghost stories. But the essential information equals out to this: I (and my family) need my own place ASAP.

    In fact, hubby has to go to California for an event in two weeks. Instead of staying here with the kids, I'm "letting" my mom babysit for the weekend and going with him. I'm like, get me the f out of here! Even two days will seem like a tonic. Ahhhh... But then, coming back will be unhappy times indeed. Grr!

    All this is to say, I feel for you. Massively.

  2. Props to you, amigo. I couldn't do it, not for a day. I love both of my parents dearly, but they drive me nuts for different reasons. Same with visiting the in-laws. After about 12 hours, I'm ready to blow that popsicle stand.

    Hang in there...It's just a few weeks. In the meantime, hope the drama is minimized.

  3. can you put on headphones and scour the craigslist ads in Postdoc Place?

  4. Of course you're ignoble. Better a live jackal than a dead lion. The only people I know who really get along well with their relatives are living blandly happy and unproductive lives, if that's any comfort.