I feel invigorated today, after a meeting with Dr. Awesome to discuss publication options. Zi has kindly offered (in the form of a friendly command) to help me prepare and edit a journal article based on parts of my diss. Since I now have to regard Dr. Chair as a ghost of academia past, it's immensely comforting to me that Awesome can/will still lend a helping hand of guidance. I have a month to transform diss material into Journal Article #1. And away I go!
On a side note, I should post here -- for where else would such an observation be more appropriate? -- that I had a minor panic attack last week while setting up today's appointment with Awesome. I noticed that hir emails were increasingly brief and hard-sounding as we zeroed in on a time and place. I started feeling all stressed and lachrymose, wondering if I had somehow angered Awesome, and did that mean that zi would now cut me loose, since I'm no longer the charge of anyone in the department? What would I do for academic guidance? What would I do?? Where would I go???
And then I realized that I was having a moment of insanity, and I talked myself down. The emails were increasingly brief because you don't necessarily have to write "My dear Dr. Koshary" in the third email that day about a short appointment with a junior colleague. Awesome is busy; our appointment was but a small matter in hir day; we're on a first-name basis and don't need to write flowery emails all the time. (I mean, I certainly have to do that at first to Awesome, but that's power relations for you.)
What amazed me about this when I was calm again was that I was acting like I'm still a student, anxiously awaiting words of praise from a teacher. But I'm not a student anymore. My teachers have become my mentors and senior colleagues. I can't and shouldn't read all sorts of political and emotional subtexts into one-line emails saying "Let's meet at my office." I suppose I may have to regain this neurotic habit once I have a tenure-track job, but for now it's just overkill. Awesome was glad to see me; zi offered me clever and useful advice; and zi did this out of no other obligation than friendship and slightly parental concern for my professional advancement.
Does this mean I can stop being a basketcase now?
1 year ago