Saturday, March 17, 2012

Identity issues over spring break

I've been doing my best to enjoy my spring break this week, chiefly eating too much, drinking a little too much, and sleeping until I wake up, rather than with an alarm clock.  (The last aspect is surely the sweetest!)  Even with beautiful weather and the occasional night out with friends, it's hard to feel too comfortable.  As a number of my colleagues have reminded me lately, this is just a shitty time of year for an academic on the job market.  Tons of rejections come rolling in, almost no good news comes in, and the season tends to bring an extra-heavy dose of anxiety and self-doubt.  For someone like me, who has wanted to be a professional academic for almost twenty years now, it's hard to confront the possibility that no job at all is in the offing for this year...or maybe ever.

Earlier this week, Haphazard Musings posted her conclusion that it may be time for her to leave the academic job market and look for some other career, if she doesn't land anything this cycle.  I didn't even comment on her blog about it, due to the existential horror the idea inspired in me.  I've been thinking about it a good bit, though, and I can certainly understand her analysis of the situation.  It's always hard to figure out where I stand on such matters, since I'm torn between my instinct to support a friend's decision ("follow your heart!") and my instinct to offer encouragement on a tough path ("stick with it, things will turn around!"). 

It's also hard to figure out where I stand in my own situation, since I'm essentially in the same boat as Hap.  Well, not precisely: she and I graduated at the same time, but we have done slightly different post-doc gigs, and there are also some big disciplinary differences between pseudology and culinary psychology.  Speaking only for myself, I feel like I cannot yet walk away from academia in good conscience, even if I don't get a job for next year at one university or another.  If all goes well (fingers crossed!) with the book manuscript, I'll be able to approach next year's job cycle with a contract to my name, and also won't have to run after my old supervisor quite so hard to get hir to cough up a letter of reference.  The lack of both those things hurt me in this year's cycle, I'm pretty sure.  If I can line up both contract and supervisor letter for the fall, then I'll feel girded for battle.

Of course, that raises the question of what I will do if I'm still academically unemployed in a year from now.  I have a hard time admitting to myself that I might have to find a different kind of job altogether, since so much of my identity is wrapped up in being a scholar and teacher.  It's deeply demoralizing to me to contemplate not being a professor somewhere.  But of course, I would need to find something: I have no safety net.  My savings are trivial, I have no significant other who could support me through a rough patch of job hunting, and with the sky falling on my family back in Hometown, there's no one else who could take me in.  I'm on my own.

So, since I can't pay my rent or my grocery bill with self-satisfaction, I'm branching out in my job search.  I'm still trying to land an academic gig, but I'm extending my hunt into the non-academic realm.  The downside of this is that there isn't even a proper Starbucks in Ghosttown, so my erstwhile job of last resort from back in my diss-writing days isn't a practical option.  The upside is that, now that I have my doctorate and am relatively mobile, I might have a chance at landing a job in the world's most lucrative swamp.  I don't exactly relish the idea, but it's a damn sight better than sitting around in miserable poverty and bemoaning the fact that I didn't get hired by a university.  Good thing I still own a suit.

8 comments:

  1. Casting a wide net is smart, though I have *every* faith in your landing a tt job soon. And you're right re: having the book done, too, for next round, as a powerful addition to the CV.

    I have thought it might be interesting to get into the administrative side of things, if one were not teaching, as a director of something. (Could I BE more vague? But I mean directing a program/area/college office that isn't connected to teaching, necessarily.) Do you have any interest in that?

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    1. I'm not that interested in admin work right now, but really, my interest is irrelevant; I've never seen a posting for any kind of directorial position that didn't require many more years' job experience and academic seniority than I have. Aside from personal preferences and qualifications, I suspect I'd be an awful admin; I don't really suffer fools gladly, and I tend to speak in a blue streak of plain English when I'm frustrated. I'm given to understand that these are not desirable qualities in an admin.

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  2. I feel your pain, Dr. K. I think I would have thrown in the towel early in the process if I hadn't been married to a sugar daddy. Well, we've never had a lot of money -- let's say he's a splenda daddy.

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    1. Splenda Daddy = awesome.

      Know any nice potential splenda mamas down my way??

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  3. Oh, Dr. K. I'm sorry to have freaked you out like that. While it's definitely a personal decision, I must say that I hope you persist. The fact that you have a book in the works and you have expertise in an area of the world that more people should know about means that you will eventually find a great job. I have a friend here at New Job U. who is in your discipline (well, I think so), and she just elected to stay on another year as a VAP rather than battle the market as a brand-new Ph.D. This is in no small part because she's seen how soul-sucking it can be.

    We are the strong ones, pal. Maybe we'll both get tt jobs, or maybe we'll be working in the swamp of filthy lucre. Either way, we will eventually land on our respective feet, because we have a lot to give.

    (As an aside, I LOL'ed at "Splenda Daddy." The spouse is going to be hearing that one at some point from me.)

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    1. Don't feel bad, Hap — I've had the idea brewing in the back of my head for a little while. I sure hope you're right about my job prospects, but so far the reality does not match the expectation. I was thinking out loud on my blog because I didn't want to put my foot in my mouth on yours; I identify way too closely with the problem to give normal friendly encouragement. I just hope you end up doing something you enjoy, whether in our beloved (?) ivory tower or elsewhere.

      And we'd better land on our feet. From where I stand, it's a matter of survival.

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  4. First of all, happy spring break!

    And I so hear ya on the whole endless-job-search-soul-sucking thing. Sigh. And on the standing on one's own with no partner's paycheck in sight.

    Is there any chance your department will extend the VAP at Whatchamacallit town another year? Or is thinktanking it preferable to staying there any longer?

    Either way, I wish you luck. I wish us both luck. Luck and fabulous shoes.

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    1. Thanks, Sis! I still have NO IDEA what will happen with Ghosttown U. for next year. Thinktankety stuff may be preferable to staying here, IF there is the possibility of long-term employment. I need to work out how this other universe of employment operates, and calculate from there.

      And I have to say, I never really get to wear fabulous shoes. Women have that advantage on us, in terms of style. But I'll take some of that luck, and leave the rest on the table for you to enjoy!

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