Well, it's been quite a day. Due to some ongoing work on the municipal water system, my apartment building had no water for some hours, and even now, ten hours after I discovered this, it's kind of weak, and the hot water is still only thinking about working. I feel grimy. Worse, I can't brew my own coffee, which makes me anxious. I keep coffee close to hand at all times; it's essential work fuel. I hate feeling like I have to go out just to get my fix.
I schlepped my ass all over Research City today, with some technically positive results: I got a very necessary bureaucratic signature that will make my life easier. But really, that's all I got done today, aside from a little grocery shopping. No job applications created; no articles drafted, no book manuscript worked on, no research done, even. I suck.
Last night, I was chatting with an old friend and colleague at a university here in RC where I've applied for a job. My friend, who had sent me the job posting months ago hinting that I should apply, mournfully let me know that I probably don't have any shot at this job. It's not a total shock: there's a thing with some people about some things, all of which I already knew or guessed at. It's never fun to hear, though, that the hiring committee is likely to throw me into the trash immediately for reasons totally beyond my control. It has a way of coming through as: You suck.
On a whim, I looked up the CV of another colleague, who is still in graduate school at Hugely Endowed Famous University. Zi was always something of an overachiever, even compared to our circle of overachieving friends, so I wasn't surprised to see an impressive CV. I was, however, a little taken aback to see a CV two full pages longer than my own. More grants, more publications, more organized conferences, more awesomeness. And zi is still in school! I fucking suck. I mean, I feel like I did pretty well for myself at DOU, which has only a fraction of the funds that HEFU has, but...jeez. When I look at that CV, I can only think: I fucking suck.
So there's the news: I suck, I'm caffeine-deprived, and I'm dirty. How are you?
2 years ago