I'm having a moment of frustration with the workload demands of a university that values teaching over research. I'd like to work on my articles and my book, and write a few small grants. And the stupid fucking class prep DOES NOT END. But really, if I am honest with you, dear readers, I really want to tell all of my work to go soak its head. I want to go out and have a few drinks and flirt and do something that does not make me feel like a flesh-and-blood word processor. And because this is April, when all sorts of professorial chickens come home to roost, I feel like I can't even do that.
I know this is a churlish attitude to take, since I have a decent (if temporary) job, I get to teach some interesting classes, and I'll have the whole summer to write anyway. But damn it, I want to be a selfish creature now and then. My desire to have a great academic job that entails considerable professional responsibility whilst maintaining the option of running off to have fun puts me in mind of Augustine's excellent prayer, "Grant me chastity and continence, but not yet."
And somehow, it only occurred to me today, after many years of owning the album it's on, that Gillian Welch and David Rawlings might have had Augustine in mind when they wrote this song. "I want to do right, but not right now."
3 years ago