Dear Old University nearly made me lose my voice all over again yesterday. I'm in an MA/PHD program, which means that, since I earned my MA a few years ago, I'm now on the list of alumni who can be called to solicit donations. They hire (generally well-meaning but clueless) undergrads to do this work, and it's usually a simple matter to explain to them that I'm still in school myself, and that I'm not in a position to donate to DOU. Yesterday, though, I was called by an egghead who thought that emphasizing the important programs in and out of my own college was the way to open my wallet. This is after I had explained to her that I'm still a doctoral student, and that I am currently on DOU's chopping block, since they're trying to trim costs by cornholing grad students who need TAships. I was perfectly polite explaining all of this, since I know that undergrads rarely know anything about the economics of grad school. And when I had explained all of this, she still tried to dun me for money, even when she should have been able to see that DOU is itself the only source of income I possess, and thus that asking for a donation was like asking for a kickback.
Since I'm currently on a waitlist (again) for a TAship, when I've been a highly productive (and, dare I say it, lucrative and prestigious) student for DOU all through my years here, and the university is simultaneously claiming to be strongly invested in research and graduate education, and it is plainly obscene to ask that I give to the university at large when the only department that can count on full funding is the goddamned football team....well, I blew up. I consider it an act of tremendous self-control that I did not use vituperative language. I merely explained at high decibels that I could not believe that she kept on spieling for my money, and that I wanted my name struck from the potential donor list, and that I would not give anything, and that I did not want them to call me ever again.
Since I wouldn't say this to her on the phone, I'll vent here: I have to suspect that she's in our College of Education, because they're the only ones who are so reliable stupid and intellectually bereft as to think that they can sell me on a donation when I'm being rogered by DOU. Aaargh.
Does anyone have a snappier way to shut up dunning calls than my flailing efforts?
Your poem is ajar
4 days ago